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The Awkward Gardener

Creating a small London garden requires a sense of humour

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Posted on 8 December, 20198 December, 2019

Awkward Gardener’s Question & Answer Time – December 2019

Each month some of Britain’s top gardening experts answer reader questions in Gardener’s World Magazine. While their advice might be accurate, sound, and worth listening to, that’s not how I roll. Here are my answers instead.

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Posted on 7 July, 20197 July, 2019

The 7 triumphs and 6 frustrations of my summer garden

Forgive the tardiness, but the sun is out and I have been gardening like Vita Sackville West on crack. (Which is how she liked things, apparently.)

It has been a sometimes frustrating, sometimes triumphant, spring and early summer. Let me share what I’ve been up to.

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Posted on 7 April, 20197 July, 2019

In which three heroes save our princess from gardening’s peaks and troughs

east london funny garden blog, overhead view of the two water troughs in place.

We’ve been to the hospital three times since Christmas.

Upon reflection, it is a miracle the garden only caused one of those visits. The first two times were for my partner, who’d managed to be both ill and injured – in that order. The third time… well, I’ll get to that.

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Posted on 12 February, 20197 April, 2019

With ferns in my woodland and revenge in my heart

Humorous gardening blog london small terrace garden photo of Pablo the Corgi beside the lush green ferns in the newly planted woodland garden.

I have a few things I need to get off my chest, so this post is as much confessional as it is a gardening blog.

Topics include poop (of course), disappointing my father, and my petty but deeply satisfying campaign of vengeance against Blue Van Man.

Grab yourself a cup of tea.

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Posted on 29 December, 20187 April, 2019

It is not allowed to mix cement on the highway

London garden small neighbour dispute 7

I am not, by nature, a lawbreaker. But circumstances have driven me to it.

And when I say circumstances, I really mean “admin”. But also, dickheads.

It has been a bizarre month around the old campfire, resulting in brushes with the neighbours, the local council and the law.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Continue reading “It is not allowed to mix cement on the highway”

Posted on 21 October, 20187 April, 2019

Good fences and good neighbours

Small east london garden front wall project 11

We don’t fuck around in East London. As will become abundantly clear in a minute. But first, I want to indulge in some poetry.

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Posted on 8 October, 20187 April, 2019

Ferns, felines and inordinate feculence

Small east london back garden garrya

Sorry for the lack of posts. We have become parents and it is beyond exhausting.

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Posted on 27 August, 20187 April, 2019

This is not the top-dressing I had in mind

Two ways to stop cats from pooping in your garden 2

I can see my neighbour’s pussy out the window.

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Posted on 16 August, 20187 April, 2019

I’m afraid there have been casualties

small london backyard cutting out shrub

We’ve moved in. The renovations are complete, the moving boxes are gone and we’re finally living in the house.

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Posted on 25 June, 20187 April, 2019

All in all you’re just another fern in the wall

London green wall ideas ferns

I’m deep in the research phase of this project. My armchair is surrounded by gardening books and magazines, and I’m voraciously consuming gardening-related television programs and podcasts.

Continue reading “All in all you’re just another fern in the wall”

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Recent Posts

  • Awkward Gardener’s Question & Answer Time – December 2019
  • The 7 triumphs and 6 frustrations of my summer garden
  • In which three heroes save our princess from gardening’s peaks and troughs
  • With ferns in my woodland and revenge in my heart
  • It is not allowed to mix cement on the highway

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This blog chronicles my mission to turn a small, awkward, shady patch of East London into a beautiful garden.

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